Here’s a confession: recently, a part of me envied friends who have all the time in the world to do the things they want to do in life. They proudly pose their recent travels and expeditions on Facebook, they go on adventures, see new places, hang out with friends until dawn, etc etc. They seem to really enjoy living the moment, enjoying everyday as if it was their last.
As for me, I’m waiting on God’s promise in a form of a baby boy- who’s coming into our lives, any day now- all precious and fragile, our first born. Its a thrilling, amazing new experience indeed. But because the past nine months have solely been about protecting him, keeping him safe and making sure everything works out well in preparation for his arrival, I didn’t get to do much travel or go on adventures. I also had a sensitive 1st and 2nd trimester of pregnancy which made it difficult to move around too much.
And all these made me ask myself if I had enough of being single, if I’m ready to move on to motherhood?
But before I could complain and have regrets on what could’ve been, God showed me another perspective as I reflected these past days.
God is the Author of our seasons. He knows the timing is just right when Ico and I got married. He knows the timing is also right when we learned that I am pregnant. He knows we were ready to have our own children. It was definitely a start of a new season and we walked in His grace the whole time. I was reminded of this verse:
“It is the blessing of the Lord that makes rich,
And He adds no sorrow to it.” Proverbs 10:22
Bearing a child is a great blessing and I can testify that during the nine months of pregnancy, God never failed to provide everything that we needed- a good house, a nice second-hand car, and jobs that could sustain us. Married friends would ask us for prayers, hoping that they could also conceive. God has blessed us so much that I should not have any room to think back and say I have regrets when I’m sure that God has a great purpose for all this.
I realized that it all boils down to our priorities in life. Really. What you prioritize, you will set your focus on. All your energy and time will adjust according to what you’ve set as first, second and third in your life.
And here’s where I am constantly impressed with my husband. When i look at him, I don’t see a stressed-out, confused guy thinking if he’s had enough of his singlehood (read: DOTA, fulfilling his own dreams) or not. Without a doubt, there’s new motivation and passion in his life that I only saw when we got married and learned that we’re going to have a son. He knows his family comes first and THAT’S his priority. After God and us, everything else comes third. He amazed me by the way he took care of us. Even aligning his job and life so that he could provide and make sure I had everything I needed. Ofcourse, he also treats himself and makes healthy connections with other men too.
I also entered marriage with family in mind. Ico and I have been close for four years before we became boyfriend and girlfriend. And we’ve had our share of fun and adventure. So coming together being married, I wanted to build a good, God-fearing household with Ico.
So this brings me back to my question to myself about if I’ve done enough traveling, or gone to adventures or not.. Perhaps, this is not the time for that. Perhaps it will be more memorable when I get to travel and go on adventures with Ico, and our baby boy.
I remember talking to a colleague back in Cambodia, who just had her second baby (her first is already around 2 years old). Before childbirth, she was one of the most active women I know, played Frisbee, traveled around Asia, etc etc. Now fast forward to two kids later, I don’t see any difference with her demeanor at all. She’s still the pretty active, athletic woman I saw in Facebook posts. And what she said to me was valuable. She said, “Ofcourse you can still do the things you did before, but just in a much slower pace..” Everything else considered, she still enjoys going on adventures with her husband, with their two beautiful kids in tow.
So, I decide right now not to live in regrets of what could’ve been. Yes having a baby will change our lives completely, and it will be difficult as I often hear from moms. But it doesn’t mean my dreams and desires have to end when the baby is born. I just need to work harder to achieve those ambitions while enjoying a new life with my own little family.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11